viol's solicitudes

the Sapphire Soil

2010-12-21T06:56:00.000-08:00

Do i walk on it
or do i stare
at its beauty at its peril
at its mystic like a devil

the sapphire soil of eternity
beckons to me and says
'Isn't this route well known,
am i not your only hope?'

a mockery yet true
the sapphire soil of mayhem
'there is no escape from you',
i say and tread the path to hell

p.s - wrote this one and a half years back... found it today :)

Goodbyes

2010-01-10T09:04:00.000-08:00

on a purple night,
in the silent breeze,
i chanced upon the sky,
and i was transfixed !!
'cause the stars did twinkle
but they also winked,
and they whispered ever so softly,
they had me jinxed..
in the silence that followed,
i heard an unknown melody,
a song of space,
enrobed in stunning rhapsody,
it filled my heart,
and a joy it warmed,
an oblivion oath,
bound me tight and sound,
and suddenly,
and suddenly they glimmered,
and faded to black,
the silent still of the night,
held all the things i lacked
as i closed my eyes,
a teardrop escaped,
with a shudder i ran,
to never look back again.

lee road

2008-06-29T01:46:00.000-07:00

Most oil Indians will know what the Lee Road is, for the rest of you it is the guest house situated at Lee Road and hence fondly called by the same name by Oil Indians.
*you thinking “ blog post about a guest house now, what the damn heck!*
Lolz, actually I just wanted to describe the eerie feel of a presence, in fact more than one presence in the building. Doubtlessly a 100 years old but kept in a spic and span condition by the oil management. The windows are of the old Bengali style (as identified when compared with my pg windows which are 60 yrs old). And also since a construction of an elevator has been banned and anyways not possible in such a building, we have to climb our way up to the top floor which is 3 gigantic floors up! As if to add emphasis on the antiquity and haunted-ness of lee road, the walls have been painted a pale green, the kind which makes you feel sleepy the moment you look at it. But thank god! The room where we generally stay is pink and of course I can never complain bout pink. The first night of my stay there (this time around), I had a weird nightmare where there was some murder involved. The next day, early in the morn we watched a TV show named “shh… Phir se koi hai” meaning keep quiet, someone is there. That’s basically a horror show and omg what an episode we saw.. a bridezilla ghost, burning everyone around her to take revenge of her death by burning. Her burning was self inflicted in her wedding dress, according to an old and scary Indian custom of ‘sati’ where after a husband’s death, a woman can burn herself in her husband’s pyre. And now the husband involved in this show was a rajasthani raja and he had many wives, as a result there were many burning ghosts!! That day I thought I need to write something bout lee road as it definitely was giving me the creeps. The most eerie part of lee road has to be the bathrooms colored pale olive green, I feel suffocated there. Not that it’s congested or something, it’s very spacious but I feel it is not a safe place for me. No caretaker wants to come here, only two remain in this establishment whereas in the tollygunge guesthouse there are two in each level, i.e. around 10 ppl.. and the one person who was transferred here on a temporary basis complained and wanted to go back to tolly as fast as possible. And the main caretaker, he looks droopy 24 hours, and whatever he says I suspect they are dripping with sarcasm but I don’t know why that would be. Or maybe my imagination is running wild.. the gloomy trees and the thick walls have some secret of their own am sure and they sure are not letting any stranger into it.

about my dad

2008-05-05T04:25:00.000-07:00

I look up to him,
with the love of blood
and bond
with the patience of years
and hope
with the warmth that only
fondness can bring
with the smile that only
understanding breeds

Yet i long to be free
of his guidance upon me
and wish to see
how wide the world really is..
how to walk on a path unknown
and face a crisis untold
how to discover things on my own
and let the wind of life
blow me away towards my calling
as it unfolds..

cookie

2008-04-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, I’ve not lost it completely that i'll start writing about the life and times of a cookie from its birth to its extinction in the belly. Actually, *you fools* it’s the name ‘I’ had given to the sweetest, cutest, cuddliest and most darling kitty in the whole of gariahat colony of kolkata. I laid my eyes on it when I first arrived here 3 months earlier and it became one of the reasons I let dad leave me here. Cookie was then even tinier and was like a light brown ball with big b’ful brown eyes bouncing around. PG aunty a.k.a ‘dum dummy mai’ said that she was three months old and born to a mom known to be the cynosure of all male cats who chase her around wherever she goes as a result of which she is seen frequently with a bulging belly. Anyways, cookie has always taken a liking to me (specially with all the chocolate biscuits in milk I had treated her too) and in the cold months of January, many a times I had put her on my lap and petted her to sleep at which she would purr first like a lil baby and promptly go to sleep. I still remember that scratch she gave me on valentine’s day for which dad had ordered me to get those 3 injections for rabies and one for tetanus, but the poor darling was only trying to climb onto my lap. So for a month, I ignored her, tried not to touch her with my hand and pushed her around with my feet coz the pain of the injections were enough to remind me. But still, me being me, slowly feet got replaced with hands and now again we are friends like old times. I love the way cookie comes running at the sight of me and brushes against my leg and mews and mews till I pet her or give her a biscuit or tell her to stop irritating me! And how cutely she plays with the paper balls I make for her – it’s like watching a football player in action who doesn’t know where the goal post is, plays with both his feet and is very curious about the ball! If any of the strings of a hanging pajama or the ends of the cloth line happen to stand in her path, she will be quick to swing it around, hold with both paws and lick, bad taste then swing it more, swing in all directions and look at it closely till it comes to a halt (almost like watching a person getting hypnotized) and the best – hold the damn string with both paws and swing wheeee….!! And the curtains ‘omg’ they are like a punch bag and scratch board and swing all at once. Sometimes it feels that cookie’s main aim in life is to bring all the curtains of the house down so that nothing can stop her from our rooms except the door which of course she has learned to push quite cleverly with her head and slip in. she knows that if I see her in my room, trying to get inside my bags and pee, I’ll drive her out immediately so she would come dashing into my room and go under the bed and quietly stay put till I notice her or I go away from my room in which case she wins. Once or twice she had fooled me completely, had it not been that she sneezed. Poor cookie has a cold problem and DDM (aunty) has tried d-cold total on her – the woman has no mercy, can’t spare a single penny for consulting a vet. Anyways, just now I saw cookie playing with a dead cockroach as if it’s a ball, stamping on it occasionally, I said “cookie! That’ a dead cockroach and you are a cat. Eat it. Cats eat cockroaches!” cookie just slided dat dead thing read totally yucky cockroach to me – as if to say – “go ahead have my food”. Talking of food, she has got really weird food habits like drinking expired knorr soup (which aunty had apparently given to me) , eating bread and roti but only when its dipped in milk, raw fish (she won’t touch cooked ones) and the occasional cookie of course but she is plump nevertheless. So here I gave you the life and times of a dear kitty whom I ll be parting from within a month but will always remember and if I forget I ll see this blog post of course..

A Kite

2008-04-21T23:20:00.000-07:00

I let myself be flown like a kite,
every wind, every word,
directed me to my ultimate fate..
they stung, some soothed,
but they made me fly anyways,
but all for my final fall,
it was not a waste nonetheless..

My painting

2007-12-30T11:05:00.000-08:00

Created by me at Bored.com on 31st dec, 2007

that home of my dreams

2007-11-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

i fly away,
to the world beyond
where the rain is chocolate
and the clothes louis vuitton

where the curtains are floral
and lacy with frills
and the walls are painted
in colors i dream

the windows are large
and sunshine is plenty
and the balcony brings
the breeze from the sea

the fridge is stocked
with litchies and juice
and sundaes and frappes
from CCD is you please

my bed is round with
silk pillows and sheets
and net curtains of pink
adorn it free

red roses, white lilies,
pink gerberas and daisies
look pretty in
glass vases of feel

heartbroke

2007-09-03T14:17:00.000-07:00

oh no!
here goes my heart again,
here breaks my heart again..
yesterday i had mend it
but here breaks my heart again!

now its gonna leak some blood,
and some of my soul too..
i gotta make it rock hard
and fill in the cracks too!

hospital hues

2007-07-27T23:49:00.000-07:00

wel, dont get me wrong from the title .. i mean there is nothing very exciting bout the duliajan oil hospital... but ya its like a mini trip for me where i can get sympathetic stares from healthy people and consoling stares from diseased ones... i think the regular staff and nurses (including) are always wondering why the hell do i come here each and every vacs... not my fault.. entirely my dad's fault dis.. no matter how much our doctor has convinced him that am perfectly normal, not malnutrition-ed, not anaemic... he wont listen..
so the cause of today's visit was my swollen eyes and my lethargy... the actual cause was depression as i know it but can i tell dis to my parents.. no way!! i will be attacked with questions i cannot answer nor do i want to.. so i just denied the fact and attributed it to possible anaemia.. or maybe allergy in eyes and gastric prob for lethargy... but excuses proved lame and got my dad worried enough to take me in my bata hawai chappals..
once inside sabir uncle's chamber.. he looked at me then at my dad and exclaimed 'again!' .. and then 'what is the prob now?' .. to which i explained how very lethargic i am (knowing very well that its incurable in my case) .. he took my blood pressure .. and my hand was squeezed to an extent that i had to tell him to not fracture my bones or something.. after the reading sabir uncle smiled .. his face clearly told that 'something is wrong' .. and well i had low blood pressure.. the lower scale said 94.. he checked my eyes.. pulled the lower lid down.. and i had low hemoglobin too.... thankfully am leaving home tomorrow so no blood test to confirm this... oh how i hate needles..!
now the interesting part.. 'the medicines'.. out of the long list of medicines i was prescribed spanning two long sheets, i found one particular medicine quite intriguing.. doctor said you ain't getting this medicine in dis hospital get it 4m outside ''highly recommended by me''.. my dad naturally inquired y dis particular medicine is unavailable.. to which uncle sabir said in hush tones 'its alcoholic content is a bit high'...... but its sure to boost up my energy and my mood... he told me to drink 2 tablespoons of it in d day too... in college... so i was being prescribed alcohol legally... 'its just like wine!' - dr. sabir
now my dad 'a naturally worried person' with looks to match was quite worried whether am gonna have this medicine at all.... and me say no to alcohol... no way! but i was actually thinking of not boozing anymore to ensure good health...and well well... life's ironies..

if everyone cared..

2007-07-26T09:38:00.000-07:00

this is nickelback's lyrics.. mirrors my present state of mind quite effectively.. :)

From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you’d be mine
But here we are, we’re here tonight

Singing Amen, I’m alive
Singing Amen, I’m alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
And I’m singing

Amen I, I’m alive
Amen I, I’m alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We’ll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I’m alive
Singing Amen I’m alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died
If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We’d see the day when nobody died

We’d see the day, we’d see the day
When nobody died
We’d see the day, we’d see the day
When nobody died
We’d see the day when nobody died

earthquakes

2007-05-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

Earthquake!!

wel... d place m doin my engg degree... is a place of wonders dat never ever ceases 2 amaze.. yet again it has amazed me wid its recent tremors.. last year on valentine's day [ironically] we had an earthquake dat shook d whole big hostel n we gals had screamed and ran outside.. n all hoola-baaloo associatd wid an earthquake ws der... d guys hd startd sm rumour dat d hostl, colleg bulidings, teachers quarters included :) wil al crumble dwn n no one is gonna survive.. d quake we had ws just a warm up... oh god! in assam we hv quakes happenin every single yr.. n m so usd 2 it dat wen dey dnt occur i get depressed.. ok dat ws an exaggeration bt ya dey r so common der..we assamese hv learnt 2 live wid it along wid al d odr things dat we r livin wid lik daily bombings by ULFA which is a terrorist organization..famous nationally..
comin back 2 d topic of my blog..earthquake..wel dis yr ..dis month precisely we again hd slight tremors dat shook our beds.. n gals came out screamin ..bt den dey ended b4 we cud get outside.. n slight tremors hv been happenin since.. sm imaginary, sm real.. i for one m quite shocked wid my behaviour..everytym b4 i sleep wen i lie down in my bed i feel my bed shakin.. gosh..aftr so many yrs of earthquake experience ..dis!! wel i hope my exams end.. m gettin tired of it.. n tired of imaginary earthquakes..

exams! ExamS! exaMS!

2007-04-26T03:25:00.000-07:00

miss u--the world of blogging...
today n 2 more days are going to be spent with less sleep, loads of food n loads n loads of things crammed inside my head till i feel lik screaming out loud from the pressure and resort to things i absolutely must not in this time..like blogging.. oh well!

my coffee break..

2007-04-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

COFFEE BREAK !!

Coffee break - crucial to my existance while attending lab classes of 3 hours non-stop.. if i don't manage this break,i am sure to doze off and that to in various weird positions like:
1> dozing off with one hand on the keyboard as if typing something , other hand supporting sleeping head
2> one hand on the mouse, other as before
3> both hands supporting sleeping head
4> one hand on keyboard, other on mouse, sleepy head left unsupported may fall back on chair or fall forward on desk, worst case - fall on lab partner!
To attain these hard to earn coffee breaks, i need to plan everything in advance before taking the initial step of asking the concerned teacher permissiom of going out. factore to look for are:
1> Have i already asked the teacher a dozen times?
2> When was the last time i asked permission - one hour ago or one day ago?
3> Is my everyday 'bahana' of going to drink water fast becoming invalid?
4> What are the chances of getting caught while taking a sip?
5> Most important - mood of the teacher!!??
Today for eg., the concerned lab teacher was missing from the lab (i dunno for how long but i noticed this as soon as i got up from my nap). i took this golden opportunity and tried asking the teacher who had just come inside looking for some misplaced files. He was rudeness personified - i had crossed the teacher's desk to ask him and he went ballistic saying"go back! go back!" i felt like an untouchable.. but then i have become so used to this crap for the last 3 years that now it hardly matters like the old days. I got the permission nevertheless and went running to the coffee counter. Imagine my surprise when i saw the coffee selling dude fast asleep on the counter. I passed my five bucks at which he woke up with a start, smiled apologetically and gave me my cuppa. I told him to drink one cup too - with all the coffee around and dozing off like that - funny! With coffee in hand - read mission acomplished, i hurried to the e-quad block of our college where there are less teachers, more students. I saw 2 more of my lab-mates already there - drinking coffee. At the end of 5 mins,i hurried back wide awake to write this blog article all about my coffee break.

misnderstood!

2007-04-19T05:22:00.000-07:00

always misunderstood
always different
all my intentions were good
all my lies were true
all i wanted was the world
to be better
all it ended up being is
so cruel
and i was left misunderstood!

the grudge

2007-03-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

the scariest movie i had ever seen! the first time i had seen it, i could not live properly. everywhere i go i see ms. grudge and her blue skinned child. it was almost as if i had fallen in love and day in and day out am thinking of her. freaky!!! i had made myself a promise that no matter what, am not gonna see a scary movie ever again. who wants to destroy their peace of mind on purpose.. surely it has to be me.. cause within a month i had seen a series of ghost movies like ring, the omen, exorcist.. and yesterday i had crossed all limits. i watched grudge-2 and it has successfully made my life miserable again. i can't sleep. when i wake up, i wake up scared. i don't spend much time in the bathroom. i keep turning my head 360 degrees all the time. why do i keep on doing things i absolutely should not? only god knows!!

my first proper blog

2007-03-04T08:36:00.000-08:00

Blogging is surely an exciting new world. When you don't have any means of divulging your creative side you look for means like writing diaries, designing cards, painting on the walls, re-arranging your desk from time to time, painting and repainting your nails (preferably girls), and what not! I found this exciting new avenue of quenching my creative thirst and so here i am finally. I solemnly declare hereby that
1. i will never be regular in posting
2. my posts are strictly my random thoughts and hence i reserve the right of dissuading anyone from copying from my articles and my poems
3. on the rare occasion that i use excerpts from other's material, i will make sure that i mention the author's name
4. i don't mean any harm to anybody so please don't take offense on anything offensive
Now i'll continue with the design aspect of my new blog. lets see if it'll be black or white for the background then...